Wednesday, December 31, 2008
and all I can think about is the New Yorker's account of Comforts claw hand and gun powder.. YICKS!!!
"he became convinced that he could concoct a superior version of gunpowder. He blew off much of his left hand. By the time he was finished with his experiments, his thumb was the only remaining digit"
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Happy New Year!!!
Good job on the BBQ, YW. Does your new rabbit hang out with you when you are in the backyard BBQing?
I had the day off yesterday and feeling frisky decided to take my horse trailer down to the beach with a couple of goats for a nice day hike. It was beautiful, no one was on the beach, and no dogs bugging us. I need more days like this for the new year!
So, I'm up at 4am again, wandering around my house. My mind is racing with thoughts..
I saw a beautiful 10 acre parcel for sale just down my street, I want it but its under these huge power poles. HUGE, wondering if it is a bad investment down the road. It isn't like I can take them down when I decide they are 'in my way'. *s*
I need to get out of here and look for more property but I feel like I'm giving up. It has been so draining and I am getting whinny about it. Needing someone elses eyes because I'm starting to not trust myself. I hate brokers, well I don't hate them but total time suckage!
Hope everyone has a fantastic New Years celebration.
The problem is, I've been watching too much Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay. Slapping a couple of sausages, a slab of steak and some chops on the barbie is kinda boring. The trick is to dress up the meat, smother it in a marinade, camouflage the fatty taste and charred bits... So here it is, next time you have a BBQ, give this a try...
3/4 cup soya sauce
1/2 cup white vinegar
1/2 cup finely grated onion
2 flat teaspoon ground coriander
2 teaspoon sesame oil
2 teaspoon grated ginger
Pinch of sugar
Marinate beef in concoction for at least 1 hour prior to cooking. Baste with left over marinade whilst cooking.
FISH, SHRIMPS AND PRAWNS
1/2 cup Olive Oil
1/2 cup lemon juice
1/2 cup finely chopped parsley
2 teaspoon ground pepper
1 teaspoon salt
Mix and baste fish frequently whilst cooking.
1 cup pineapple juice (unsweetened)
2 tablespoon Dijon mustard
2 teaspoon fresh rosemary
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Whisk and marinate meat for at least 1 hour before cooking.
Baste with marinade whilst cooking.
1 cup coconut milk/ cream
1 teaspoon green (or red) curry paste (seasoned to taste)
Salt and Pepper
Thread chicken with pineapple, onion and capsicum (red or butter)
Spoon over kebabs whilst cooking.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I love honesty, compassion for life, animals of course, and trying my hardest to come out of my shell and trust more people.
Today I made my very first percolated coffee, I'll probably never forgive myself for waiting so long to taste a 'real' cup of coffee. I'd rather drink tea than drink a drip electric now. I was in heaven this morning. OHmehGawww it was so good..
Monday, December 22, 2008
So I get lost in these remedial messages and tend to lose what is me. I put so much of my heart into other people that I wonder if I'm short changing myself. Yet, other mornings, I rush to the computer like a young school girl and wonder if anyone remembers me or is thinking of me. I laugh at myself often.
It's so nice to have friends that listen and add a shoulder to lean on and a nudge to get the happy thoughts back in place. ♥ ╥╥ò ♥ ╥╥α ♥
Monday, December 15, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
A White Christmas: It's been ooh... 23 years since I've seen snow at Christmas time. We get a few flurries in the Blue Mountains but nothing to brag about and definitely NOT in December. My last Christmas was Hull, 1985 when Bob Geldof fed the world, Wham played at Wembley and Hull KR ruled RL.
Jennifer Hawkins: Which guy in their right mind wouldn't want a date with Jen. The ex Brisbane Bronco's cheerleader, Miss Universe and now face of the Myer Department store. Jen... I think I love you! (Click on the link, she's in red... *sigh*)
Six Pack: I'm allowed to dream right? James Bond (the new one) has it, Brad Pitt has it, I want one too! Can't recall if Sean Connery had a 6 pack. All I can remember is a damn hairy chest...
Stress free 2009: 2008 wasn't that great. Small relationship problem (that's kinda putting it mildly).
Peace on Earth: And goodwill to all men (and women). What we do to each other be it in Mumbai, Sri Lanka, Congo, Iran and the Middle East. The list goes on...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
A friend had her Facebook account hacked yesterday and this message was sent
You look just right on this secret video.
OPS (OPS? sic... Oops)
http://www.geocities.com/wsrthoxzd/index.htm?07dch27db=11606d (link changed)
What was ingenious about this is that:
- it plays on your curiosity and expectation of a dirty videos hence your propensity to click ;)
- it's from a trusted source, a Facebook friend
- Clicking on the link you get presented with a very authentic screen (OK it's hosted at Geocities, which is wrong!). There are embed codes, a video screen and comment option.
- Then a pop up appears telling you do not have an updated Flash Player
- You are offered an update to save and run...
Always source updates from the original software sites eg. Flash Player from adobe.com, or from a reputable site like download.com
Looks like she wasn't the only one. Lindsay Lohan had her account hacked too. Happens to the best of us ;)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
~ Rudyard Kipling
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Quite surprisingly, at the very heart of a bustling city of 4 million, one can find many quiet spots, all within a stone's throw of the office (located on the northern end of the city, just before the Harbour Bridge). In case you're ever in Sydney and need some where quiet, here's a couple of my favourite...
1) Under the Aon Building there are some shops selling great coffee and a really peaceful space overlooking Hickson Street Wharf.
2) Courtyard of St Patrick's. BTW this little church has a fantastic collection of statues located round the internal wall of the building.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Feel free to comment, criticise or rant.
Friday, November 14, 2008
- Sir Francis Bacon
Books, in pursuit of knowledge, a source of pleasure, not to mention hours of amusement and leisure. Blogged earlier, never to underestimate the power of the mind, one of favourite books. Was honestly hoping it could help with the dimensions of a particular male appendage, but alas, it was not the case :(
Nonetheless, here's my list of must read tomes ;)
Followed to the letter by those serving gelato at the Coogee Bay Hotel *ugh*
Exchange for a kg of their finest :p
Happy reading and have a great weekend :)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
In 15 years away from the stage, Leonard Cohen has endured psychological crisis, spiritual transformation and the loss of his fortune in a financial fraud, yet he treats such personal dramas as the stuff of art. "We basically all lead the same kind of lives," he said recently. "Gain and loss, surrender and victory - popular music has to be about those subjects."
It is all there in one song in particular, an epic, gospel-tinged ballad of desire and rejection, love and sex, God and man, failure and transcendence, the inevitability of death and triumph of the spirit against the greatest odds. Performed by a 73-year-old man with a shattered voice, it is a song with the power to turn a rock arena into a cathedral.
The song is Hallelujah. Written and rewritten by Cohen over the years, it has come to be regarded by many as the greatest song of all time. It has been recorded and performed by more than 100 artists in a dozen different languages, including versions by Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson, Bono, KD Lang, Rufus Wainwright and, most famously, Jeff Buckley. It has featured on the soundtracks of dozens of films, from Shrek to the dark satire Lord of War.
It is, in many respects, a song for every occasion. Rufus Wainwright has said, "It's an easy song to sing. The music never pummels the words. The melody is almost liturgical and conjures up religious feelings. It's purifying." It was not, however, an easy song to write. When he works, Cohen explores every lyrical permutation, sometimes completely finishing verses then discarding them. He claims there are at least 80 verses to Hallelujah. "I filled two notebooks and I remember being in the Royalton Hotel [in New York], on the carpet in my underwear, banging my head on the floor and saying, 'I can't finish this song.'"
He has actually recorded two distinct versions, with almost completely different lyrics, and it is partly this that lends the song its openness to interpretation, as artists mix and match verses. It subtly alters over time to reflect the needs of the moment.
Appropriately, in its original version on Cohen's 1984 album Various Positions, Hallelujah is, partially, about the act of songwriting itself. Cohen invokes the Biblical story of King David (composer of psalms and so the original songwriter) and the woman whose beauty overthrew him, Bathsheba. The protagonist offers up his "sacred chord" to a lover whose indifference to art is expressed in the put-down, "You don't really care for music, do ya?"
Cohen first rose to minor prominence in the late Fifties as a Canadian poet and novelist (he has produced 12 volumes of poetry and prose), turning to songwriting only in his thirties in an attempt to generate some income. "In hindsight it seems the height of folly to address one's economic problems by becoming a singer," he subsequently said, although he was an accomplished musician who had performed with country bands in university in Montreal.
Despite standing in dark contrast to the prevailing hippie spirit, his 1968 debut was greeted with popular acclaim. Yet for some, Cohen's doleful voice and challenging subject matter became synonymous with "bedsits and razorblades". He once dryly described his reputation as "suicidal, depressive, melancholic and a ladies man, as if women appreciated these other qualities".
Cohen's amorous interests are to the fore in Hallelujah. Bathsheba seduces and defiles David. But the singer pointedly expresses no preference for "the holy or the broken hallelujah". In the end, despite acknowledging failure, confusion and weakness, he pronounces himself ready to stand defiantly before the "Lord of Song" with "nothing on my tongue but 'Hallelujah'." The second version of the song - which appeared in 1994 and retained only the chorus and concluding lines - is even more overtly sexual than the original. It is also emotionally harsher, the bitter reminiscence of someone who admits "all I've ever seemed to learn from love / Is how to shoot at someone who outdrew ya."
Former Velvet Underground member John Cale helped shape it with his own recording in 1991, when Cohen faxed him 15 pages of lyrics. "I went through and just picked out the cheeky verses," Cale claimed. It was this that Jeff Buckley covered for his 1994 album Grace. Buckley described it as an homage to "the hallelujah of the orgasm".
Though it dispenses with the final redemptive verse, Buckley's recording retains the song's religious character. This is part of its innate appeal, the contrast between its harsh depiction of life and the quality of uplifting transcendence contained in the repeated soaring Hallelujahs.
"That's what it's all about," says Cohen. "You're not going to be able to work this thing out. There's no solution to this mess. The only moment that you can live here comfortably in these absolutely irreconcilable conflicts is when you embrace it all and say, "Look, I don't understand a ****ing thing at all - Hallelujah!'"
Buckley's version (and his subsequent death in a swimming accident in 1997) really began the afterlife of Hallelujah. Versions are regularly used as background music during montages of people getting bad news in TV hospital dramas and death scenes. Asked about the song's enduring appeal, Cohen says, "It's got a good chorus", which is true, if disingenuous. It is a song that tells us failure is OK, indeed it is human. It is a song that suggests it is enough just to have lived.
It is a lesson Cohen seems to have taken time to arrive at. A self-confessed depressive, in 1994 he retreated to Mount Baldy Zen Centre near Los Angeles, beginning five years of seclusion during which he was ordained as a Buddhist monk. He has said of the experience, "Life became not easier, but simpler. The backdrop of self-analysis I had lived with disappeared. It's like that joke: 'When you're hitting your head against a brick wall, it feels good when it stops.'"
His new-found equanimity faced a challenge in 2005, when he discovered his retirement funds had been siphoned off by a trusted manager. More than $5 million dollars was gone, leaving him, aged 70, with just $150,000 in his account. "I had to go to work," he said. "I have no money left. I'm not saying it's bad. I have enough of an understanding of the way the world works to understand that these things happen." It is this that has put him back on the stage and in the studio, where he has been recording a new album. Given the lengthy gestation of Hallelujah, however, it might be unwise for fans to hold their breath.
"The only advice I have for young songwriters is that if you stick with a song long enough, it will yield," he recently said. "But long enough is not any fixed duration. You might have to stay with it for years and years."
Friday, November 7, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
SEVEN FACTS ABOUT ME:
I drink coffee. Much too much coffee 7 - 8 mugs a day
Started smoking at 13, gave up at 27. Was a two-packet-a-day guy... cough... cough...
I still read Harry Potter and Artemis Fowl
I love KFC and I always eat my chips/fries with mayo, satay sauce or gravy.
I love the night. Been called Dracula often.
I have as my Facebook friend, my first crush (she taught me how to kiss, the one with a wiggling tongue). She was 16 and I was 13.
I love horror flicks especially the Japanese ones...
I won't impose on anyone. If you feel like sharing please do and leave me some directions to your blog :)
Monday, October 27, 2008
If you're at the Coogee Bay Hotel, its better to STFU. Stephen and Jessica Whyte and their three sons were served complimentary gelato dessert by Coogee Bay Hotel staff three weeks ago after complaining about food prices, facilities and staff attitude.
Mrs Whyte says that when she took a spoonful and put it to her lips, she knew she was getting more than gelato and became violently ill. She spat the contents into a napkin her family later sent to the National Measurements Institute, which found it had "properties similar to human excreta".
Read more here and here.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Horny? Stupid? Is it in the genes? Why do we have to hump anything and everything?
A Newburgh firefighter became an ad hoc surgeon when he was called upon to use a pneumatic saw to cut a piece of steel pipe off a 73-year-old man's penis. You read that correctly 73! Read more here.
Here's another, and I'm sure he's died from embarrassment if nothing else. Headlines read "Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench".
Pretty speechless when you witness a grown man making full out love to his Toyota, taking the time to give it the ’spank and thrust’ treatment....watch the movie here.
Must be in the genes. Yea, I've been guilty of stupidity, brains ceased to function when eyeballing naked flesh!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Email addresses, matched with user names and passwords for online memberships, were offered by the hacker for anyone wanting to try their hand at identity theft or even financial fraud.
The distributor of the data, a hacker who uses the name Farbod, offered 9600 identities for free. His motivation? To earn status and credibility on a website that rates hackers' skills.
Farbod, who purports to be from Texas, has already advanced in rank from lowly "pirate in training" to "Microsoft nightmare".
To his peers, giving away logins and passwords was viewed as an act of largesse.
Many of the accounts were generic accounts for Hotmail, Yahoo! and Gmail. Full list here
Friday, October 3, 2008
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as
and a happy happy long weekend to all....
Thursday, October 2, 2008
I digress. Why am I depressed? The whole magazine is devoted to Australia’s 100 richest people aged 40 and under. These are the guys and girls who made it on their own without Daddy’s or Mummy’s help. Some names are familiar, most not. Some inspiring, some not.
Let’s take Carolyn Creswell, worth $20 million. At 18 she started making muesli by hand. She managed 80kg that year. Now at 34, she sells 40 tonnes of the stuff to keep Aussies happy, healthy and regular.
Or electrician Nathan Tinkler. He’s 32. A few years ago he was working as an electrician down a mine. He borrowed a million bucks and in 2006 bought a bit of land with some coal buried deep. A year later, someone offered him $275m for it! OK, it's in shares and cash. But in May this year, he sold those shares to Indian conglomerate Mittal for $166m. He's sitting on $441m cash!
And me? I’ve been sitting at my desk all this time, aging and getting nowhere. If only I were a bottle of wine *sigh*
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
...but was afraid to ask. Occasionally one comes across a gem on the net. This FAQ about men had me in stitches. Source www.knowplace.org/men.html
Q: Why do men always neglect one breast over another?
A: It always comes down to personality. There is something unique and special about every breast that gives it its own personality. It's similar to parents telling their children, "we love you all equally" when it's the furthest from the truth. Besides, it's hard for a man to concentrate on more than one thing at a time. Personally, I suspect that most men would be much happier with just a single large perky breast in the middle of the chest.
Q: Why are men such jerks?
A: It's a Testosterone thing. Much similar to your P.M.S. thing, we men suffer from Testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average lifespan of a male is typically 10 years shorter? And it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure! Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.
Q: Why do men always have to ogle at other women?
A: Again, this is a Testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the Testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.
Q: Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
A: We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.
Q: Why do men always say such stupid things?
A: We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our mate frustrated by a few simple (and well-chosen) words.
Q: Why are men so uncommunicative?
A: You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it, you get into trouble with your mate.
Q: Why do men have to act like such retards?
A: Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays.
Q: How do men always manage to say exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time?
A: Umm... Instinct, natural timing, and lots of practice (not necessarily in that order).
Q: Why can't men just share their feelings?
A: Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel (and could care less)? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, or disgust, we have no idea how we feel. I personally get a little dizzy whenever I try to figure out how I feel. Generally speaking, I feel mostly annoyed when a woman asks me to share how I feel.
Q: Why can't men cuddle more (i.e. lie down and hug)?
A: Please... How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the heck (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters... Need go roam... Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeest... On the other hand, sitting on our asses for hours on end is a whole other story.
Q: How can men sit on their asses all day without moving?
A: Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The figgidy types were all gobbled up by saber-toothed tigers and et cetera. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.
Q: Why do men always speak to my breasts?
A: Boy, aren't we a little proud of ourselves? Maybe we're trying to speak to your heart. No? Well, the truth is that for many women, breasts may be the most interesting aspect of their personality. Yes, yes... It depend a lot on the particular woman (and the particular breasts). (See also: Why do men always neglect one breast over another?)
Q: Why do men always neglect one breast over another?
A: It always comes down to personality. There is something unique and special about every breast that gives it its own personality. It's similar to parents telling their children, "we love you all equally" when it's the furthest from the truth. Besides, it's hard for a man to concentrate on more than one thing at a time. Personally, I suspect that most men would be much happier with just a single large perky breast in the middle of the chest.
Q: Why can't men just say "I love you?"
A: Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that to be a character fault. It's just not easy to admit to one's own character faults.
Q: Why do men say "I love you" when they hardly know me?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure-fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.
Q: What does it mean when men say "I Love You?"
A: 1 Sleep with me. 2 Please sleep with me. 3 I'm sorry for whatever it is that you think I did. 4 What other woman? 5 I forgot to get you a gift. 6 What? I was listening. I was! I swear! 7 Anniversary? What anniversary? Didn't we just celebrate one last year? 8 Stop nagging me! 9 What do I have to do to get a beer around here? 10 PLEASE SLEEP WITH ME!
Q: What does it mean when men say, "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now" or "I don't want a girl friend?"
A: It means that we like you enough to sleep with you, but not enough so that we want to see you repeatedly.
Q: What does it mean when men say, "Can we just be friends?"
A: Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is physically repulsive enough that no beer goggles may be thick enough to provide adequate protection.
Q: What does it mean when men tell you that they prefer women who don't wear a lot of make up?
A: This is our subtle way to tell you that your makeup looks like it was applied by a team of chimpanzees with paint guns. How dare women accuse us men of having no tact?
Q: Why doesn't my mate ever answer me?
A: We can hear you just fine; we're just ignoring you. We simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.
Q: Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
A: Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up when you finally get tired of looking at it.
Q: What's with all the belching and farting?
A: This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
Q: Why do men hate shopping?
A: Going shopping simply makes no sense of any kind to men. This is comparable to going from restaurant to restaurant, looking at all the food, putting some in your mouth, but never actually swallowing (I won't even comment on the subject of women and swallowing).
Q: How can men be so inconsiderate?
A: Frankly, I'm hurt that you can even say such a thing. Lets take sex for instance. If a man lasts more than five minutes with you, he's thinking of nothing but you. To a man, an orgasm is an orgasm, whether achieved after five minutes or an hour of intercourse. Remember that the next time you have sex. We do it all, and we do it for you.
Q: Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?
A: Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is a function of the peeing frequency over the sitting frequency. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer the proposition. Besides, it's actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we care if we pee all over the seat. You're the ones that have to sit on it. You should appreciate the fact that we actually lift the darn thing. After all, we aim to please.
Q: Why do most men hate fuzzy toilet seat covers?
A: Who wants to pee in front of a guillotine, much less a pink fuzzy one? All the extra fuzz makes it impossible for the toilet seat to stay up properly. You either have to be talented enough to hold it up with one hand while peeing, or you have to really test your aiming and control skills. While most women need fuzzy toilet seat covers to avoid having to sit on a cold toilet seat, men are fortunate enough to have built-in cushioning (read: hair) on their bums.
Q: Why can't men be more sensitive?
A: We are perfectly capable of being sensitive. We just have no desire to be. Some men actually tried that in the '80s, but the consensus is that it was a total failure. It turned out that women don't really want sensitive men. Women only want men not to freak out when women do something stupid like crashing their car or blowing out their best speakers. Otherwise, women want men that won't think twice before crushing that big hairy spider hiding underneath the toilet.
Q: Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?
A: Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde bimbos are generally much easier to get along (alone) with. They like having fun and doing exciting things. They don't walk around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. They don't ever give us a hard time for being a dumb male; and plus they laugh at most of our jokes (even the ones they don't get). What more could any of us males ask for?
Q: Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women?
A: As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were obsessed with ugly women, there would be just as much bitching about why men are obsessed with ugly women. No matter how you set this up, some people are always going to be left out. I don't see anyone screaming about equal treatment for the stupid people either.
Q: Why do men like younger women?
A: Well, let's see. Besides the fact that they like older men, they're easily impressed. They're also perky, energetic, and come with very little baggage. There's also less evidence of gravity's handy work on their bodies.
Q: Why do men like older women?
A: Actually, men just like women period. Age actually has very little to do with anything. Unless the particular woman in question resembles Yoda, other factors such as availability or proximity take much more precedence.
Q: How can men possibly find that other woman attractive (i.e. whatever do you see in that fat pig)?
A: Even if you happen to be Cindy Crawford, once we get the idea that you are ours, other women suddenly become much more attractive and you lose a few attractiveness points. I'm a bit puzzled by this one myself. I think evolution is to blame. We men are just innocent bystanders in the war of the selfish genes. You should accept us and love us despite our inherent weakness.
Q: Why do men act like they own the remote control?
A: What do you mean act? We do; possession is nine tenths of the law. Besides, it is an awesome responsibility not to be entrusted to just anyone. I believe the only fair way to decide who gets the remote control is to arm wrestle for it.
Q: Why can't men stay on a single channel for more than two seconds?
A: You're kidding right? What if there is something good on the next channel? We could miss it if we stay on one channel for too long. (See also: Why do men fear commitment?)
Q: Why do men fear commitment?
A: Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what 'commitment' means and can spell it correctly. Dating is like shopping for an automobile. No matter how good you think this year's model is, they're always coming out with newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier models. We simply cannot be expected to purchase the first one we see. We must browse around a bit and test drive a few. Who wants to end up with a lemon? At least with a car, there's a slight chance of it eventually becoming a classic. It simply makes much more sense to lease and upgrade to the younger... err... I mean newer models every couple of years. Some of the newer models come with fun optional extras like dual air bags.
Q: Do all men really masturbate?
A: Yes. It is genetically inherited behavior. It's been passed on from our most primal forefathers, and it'll be passed on to our sons. Although all women inherit the genotype as well, most women don't express the phenotype until much later in their life cycle.
Q: Why do men generally have greater upper body strength?
A: Several factors are at work, namely evolution, heredity, nutrition, and environment. (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)
Q: Why do men generally have better hand-eye motor coordination?
A: It is like with all things. Practice... Practice... Practice... (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)
Q: Why are men such dogs?
A: I resent that. Dogs are faithful... loyal... affectionate... and obedient... We men are nothing like dogs.
Q: Why are men so annoying?
A: We're not. You're just moody. What? Is it that time of the month again already?
Q: Why do men always assume it's that time of the month?
A: Well, men are very easily confused. While most months hover around 30 days, most women cycle around the lunar calendar (~28 days). This creates a mismatching cycle that's just too much for us males to track. It's simply easier for men to assume that it's that time of the month. Surprisingly, this form of guesstimate actually works with amazing accuracy.
Q: Why can't men just be friends (i.e. the sex thing)?
A: Women either talk incessantly about their mate or only call when they're having relationship trouble. Most women don't even like being friends with other women. In general, women are catty, petty, competitive, jealous, and gossipy. Why else would men want to be friends with women? (See also: What's the deal with this male bonding business?)
Q: What's the deal with this male bonding business?
A: The answer to this question, again lies in men's evolutionary roots. In prehistorical times when men hunted, in order to be successful, it was often necessary to hunt in packs. Needless to say, women could not come along; excessive chatter and noise alerts the prey and gives away position. This also explains why men do not speak to each other very much when hanging out together. Women, on the other hand, were gatherers. The more they spoke to each other and cooperated, the more successful the gathering. This fundamental difference in behavior explains why women cannot possibly comprehend male bonding. This is also a major reason why men and women can never become 'just' friends.
Q: Do men really fake orgasms?
A: Yes. Especially as we get older, if the sex is particularly bad or we realize we've made some sort of mistake, we sometimes fake it and try to salvage a good night's rest.
Q: Why do men lie?
A: We actually prefer not to, but women make us lie. And I quote, "Honey, does this dress make my behind look huge?" or "Do you really think that other woman is more attractive than me?" When we tell you the truth like we don't want a relationship or that we prefer going out drinking with our buddies, you get mad at us. So we tell you what we think you want to hear. All we're simply trying to do is to please you.
Q: Why can't men ever give a straight answer to a simple question?
A: Frankly, your questions aren't all that simple. In general, when a woman asks a question, she has a correct answer in mind. We men are well aware of this. Therefore, it may take us a while to come up with the right answer. If a question is particularly tough, we may not answer at all.
Q: Can men really die from a lack of sex?
A: To be perfectly honest, the answer is NO. But sometimes it makes us wish we were dead. Actually, sometimes it makes us wish you were dead (or at least unconscious).
Q: When will men ever grow up and mature?
A: Funny you should ask. I just got home from the Boy's Club™ meeting, and we finally had a vote on this issue. It had been tabled for discussion for quite a while, and it was hard to pass because on such serious issues, we needed more than just a simple majority. Anyhow, it was finally passed; and our final decision is "TOMORROW." Collectively, we'll all grow up, be mature, and act responsibly t_o_m_o_r_r_o_w. Tonight we're hanging out with the guys and going out drinking. And no, you can't come along.
Q: Why do men only have one thing on their minds?
A: While technically correct, this statement is not strictly true. We may only be able to entertain one idea at a time but we do think of lots of other things besides sex, such as sports and beer. We also get hungry quite often.
Q: Why do men think with their groins?
A: I don't think most women fully appreciate the situation. While we've only got ONE brain, we've got more than a couple of MILLION sperms! Even if we had good intentions, what chance does it actually have against a couple of million frisky sperms? I believe this is commonly referred to as the tyranny of the majority. It's simply an inescapable consequence of a voting democracy.
Q: Why do most men name their private parts?
A: Contrary to popular belief, most men don't actually get to name their private parts. Men have to address our best friend and confidant however he wishes. Why do you think that most of these names start with Mister? The last thing men want is to have their penis mad at them.
Q: Why do most men love beer so much?
A: Well, I can't actually speak for the rest of the male population, but I personally cannot recall the last time my beer has asked me "Do you know what is wrong with you?" in the midst of my favorite television show.
Q: Why don't men ever pay attention (i.e. listen)?
A: Men actually do try, but scientific studies show conclusively that extended exposures to long hours of nagging and whining destroys the cilia in the Cochlea (tiny little hairs in the ear responsible for hearing). Haven't you noticed that it's always the men that wear the hearing aids whenever you see old couples together?
Q: Why can't men admit that other men are attractive?
A: While most women assume this to be a homophobic thing, the reality is that men actually have no idea what women consider attractive in other males. Let me illustrate this point by raising some examples that women have claimed to be virile masculine sex symbols: Woody Allen, Patrick Swayze, Burt Reynolds, Michael Douglas, Henry Kissinger, Jean Claude Van Damme, Keanu Reeves, Kurt Russel, Christian Slater, Tom Selleck, etc. (and don't even start me on Fabio). Generally speaking, after looking at some suggested examples such as these, most men are sent hopelessly into a frenzied spiral of confusion. The corollary to this is that men also cannot tell which females women consider attractive. While it's easy to tell what men find attractive in females, men are frequently confronted by statements like, "Cindy Crawford? I can't believe you like her. She's not even pretty!" My only answer to this is, "I'm sorry. You're right dear. She's not attractive at all. Apparently, she's established a super model career; she gets $10,000 per day; and I'm the only schmuck that thinks she's attractive. Boy, apparently Revlon thinks I'm a much larger consumer of female cosmetics than I actually am. I'll call their market research department right away to correct the mistake."
Q: Why are men so fond of speaking in sport metaphors?
A: All groups utilize jargon to identify and differentiate group members from non-group members. Jargon is also used to communicate in a way that's cryptic to non-group members. Men speak in sport metaphors for much of the same reason. While this behavior not only reaffirms men's membership in the group, it also serves to alienate most women from the conversation. As a result, speaking in sport metaphors are highly encouraged by other males.
Q: Why do most men watch so much sports?
A: While most women assume this behavior is caused by men's natural inclination to athletic activities, this is an errant assumption. In order to effectively communicate with other males (via sports metaphors), men need to watch every possible sporting event to keep up with the necessary facts and stats. This is much similar to attending trade shows and subscribing to trade magazines. Excessive use of outdated sports metaphors is heavily frowned upon. However, occasional use of an outdated and highly obscure sports metaphor is highly revered. The corollary to this is that men who do not watch sports generally do not have many male friends. Another upside of watching sports is that it serves as a valid excuse to ignore your mate for hours at a time.
Q: Why won't men ever stop to ask for directions?
A: Where do you think we would be today if Christopher Columbus had stopped and asked for directions? While the old frontier days are over, this evolutionarily honed genetic instinct to explore doesn't simply go away. Men are still very much true to their nomadic roots. Especially armed with the modern knowledge that the Earth is round, no self-respecting man will ever stop to ask for directions again either!
Q: Why do men say they'll call, and then NOT call?
A: Have you ever seen a lizard shed its tail for a quick get away? Well, this is the men's version. The male in question, desperate for a quick getaway, distracts the female with a quick line like "I'll call you," and thanks his lucky stars that women still actually believe this line. Remember that day in seventh grade when they separated the boys and the girls? This is one of the things they taught the little boys to never forget. Over the ages, this line has been updated to keep up with the times. I believe the original line was something like, "I'll swing by your tree tomorrow."
Q: Why are most men so afraid of liberated women?
A: What are you talking about? Men love women who are free enough to run around without a bra. We just have to draw the line somewhere, such as facial and/or leg hair.
Q: What do men talk about after a date?
A: Nothing. We don't talk about dates unless we got lucky. Then and only then, the only question that is asked is the attractiveness of the female in question. This is important for score keeping purposes as it helps to calculate the degrees of difficulty.
Q: Why is it so hard to find a funny, intelligent, nice, sensitive, and single man?
A: The answer is actually quite simple. It all boils down to the law of supply and demand. If women truly wanted men who are funny, intelligent, nice, and sensitive, there would be a much greater supply. However, since women are actually more attracted to material wealth, muscular mass, or men who mistreat them, this explains the abundant supply of men who are workaholics, muscle heads, or total jerks.
Friday, September 19, 2008
For that split second... but gone before you can catch it.
27°C | 16°C
29°C | 16°C
24°C | 15°C
30°C | 21°C
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Does Barack or John email you to show their appreciation for your support?
Well, Palin did, Michael Palin that is. Wrote to inform me that they've passed 300,000 views of the Michael Palin for President campaign video. STREWTH! Not as many as the marsupial or sheep population but sure beats the human count. Read more at http://pythonline.com/
If you haven't visited the Silly Party go to http://michaelpalinforpresident.com/
I've signed up for my free fuzzy thing. Have you? Only 2 months to go. How can you help?
--ENGAGE IN SOCIAL DEBATE by rubbing Fuzzy Things on Republicans.
--ENGAGE IN CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE by doing Silly Walks in government buildings.
--HELP MICHAEL PALIN CHOOSE A RUNNING MATE!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
After pigging out at the free Chancellor's BBQ (a Chancellor is the head of the University), I was sandwiched between 17 year olds in Lecture Theater 100, listening to some Professor drone on about the future of the I.T. industry. It was an insane 29C (84F) this spring day and naturally, Dad nodded off.
Owww, sharp pain, boy elbowed me in the ribs, sat up startled only to catch the Professor conclude "I.T. unlike law is not locality specific. Australian I.T. professionals are accepted in the U.S. ... just like Chefs."
Now they tell me... *sigh*
Encountered a damn flaw in LinkedIn, a business-oriented social networking site. One can set ones privacy so that your contacts cannot see others within your network.
Well and good if you click into Connections, you go no further but should one click Network Statistics, hell everyone of your contacts are listed.
Sorry... Remove Connection *click*
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Well, until last night that was. It blinked, gave me a final wink and he (she?) was gone.
Yes, I have found a replacement, newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier... those poor capacitors and resistors are still warm.
.. to Trixie for corrupting me with the Black Box widget (on the left). As if I don’t already have enough distractions in my life.
Please do sign the visitors book when you visit :)
Instruction: Click on decide
.. to Tribe, for being offline, got me playing with the new Facebook application and hence my preoccupation with pokes.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
A kiss is still a kiss, a poke is just a poke,
The fundamental things apply,
As time goes by…
A Facebook poke, I’m confused, confounded, baffled and bamboozled. What does it mean?
The official guide “The poke feature can be used for a variety of things on Facebook. For instance, you can poke your friends to say hello.”
That’s it? Hello?
Come on, I mean even the word “poke” generates in my mind some erotic undertone, carnal suggestion, and sexual connotation (maybe I’m a pervert), if it were meant to be “Hello”, why not a “Tap”, “Slap” or “Punch”.
This mob is on the nose when they say Enough with the Poking, Let’s Just Have Sex.
“Seriously. People don't understand why "poking" exists on Facebook. It's pretty clear that it's Facebook's classy way of flirting, none of this "I was just thinking about you" bullshit. You want to have sex, so you poked me. End of story.”
If you have a Facebook account read Here, Otherwise read Here
Love their 10 Commandments of poking… No 4’s a hoot, Straight men don't poke other men. It is never appropriate. End of story.
So, do you poke?
Don't miss next week's forthcoming topic: Why do men ogle at women?
Friday, August 29, 2008
“I called her but she never returned my call. I can’t believe it, and to do this to another sister too. I can’t believe she lies to me.”
She didn’t lie, she just didn’t call. Does not sharing a secret constitute a lie? The sisterhood, one of the most powerful bonds of friendship, based on intimacy, sharing, confiding of secrets and asking of advice. Everything is expected to be shared, news of lovers, break-ups, lead-ups, everything. So was this a betrayal?
Over a glass of wine with some European ladies, they said that they do not tell their 'friends' everything. Note the difference, 'friends' not 'sisters'.
The French gentleman sitting next to me chirped in “I was working in New York before coming to Sydney, I was totally shocked when my partner’s girlfriends knew everything, I mean everything.”
Is this limited to the States, is it limited to certain age groups?
What about guys. Guys brag but do they ever tell each other their deepest darkest secrets. From my experience, no. Guys do not share. Stems from the Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson big silent type I guess.
So can a bloke be part of the sisterhood fraternity? Anything is possible, I mean men are wearing mascara and using moisturiser nowadays.
Can a girl be a mate? Or are guys only after one thing?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Religion, the cause of so many problems in our world. Watching the Georgian and Russian beach volleyball girls hug (nudge nudge wink wink) at the Olympics, made me wonder, if one could pick the “best” practices from each religion, wouldn’t the world be a better place?
One World, One Belief, One Religion? **
Let’s start with polygamy. Those lucky Muslims come to mind and recent research suggests that polygamy is the key to a long life. Published in the New Scientist no less. So, how many wives should a guy take. Sixteen? 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer and 4 poorer.
On sex… Friday evenings for a Jewish bloke includes the commandment that a man make love to his wife not just that night, but all throughout the next day (Saturday)!
A Jewish man's obligation, enshrined in the marriage contract, that he sexually satisfy his wife. A wife's sexual dissatisfaction is grounds for divorce. Unfortunately “satisfy” is not defined :)
How about the Catholic’s sacrament of confession? Isn’t it wonderful to have one’s sin forgiven by merely whispering it to a priest in a dark box …
“Father... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
The Priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."
"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week usually on Friday and the whole day Saturday."
The Priest said, "By doing that, you placed yourselves in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind but I do have one more question."
"And what is that, my son?" asked the Priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
** Not aware if this is a TM slogan.
Monday, August 18, 2008
I’ve got this tree, planted many years ago. Still recall being told, it produces sweet, fleshy edible berries. Spring’s almost here and yes, there are berries galore but they are far from sweet.
Absolutely, positively bitter...
Lilly Pilly Jam
lilly pilly fruit
1. Boil lilly pilly fruit till soft.
2. Strain. Save the liquid !
3. One cup of sugar for each cup of liquid. Put the liquid, sugar and lemon juice and bring to the boil. Boil until it thickens and jells.
4. Bottle in sterilised jars.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Aussie Phrase.. Bugger me dead!: extremely shocked at something
Now I've got that out of the way, what on earth is happening to the men in the world? Are we becoming more effeminate. Imitating the superior species or merely pandering to demand (is that what the ladies want?).
Been reading about how men in droves are buying pantyhose. Retailers say it better for colder climates, better support, help with muscle fatigue and wait for it....how it looks and feels against the skin??
What about eye liner? Guy-liner and Manscara are 2 brands about to hit the market. Note Guy-liner pencils are chunkier than the female equivalent and therefore easier for men to use, we have bigger hands.
I'm going to chuck.
Guys being able to cook, I'm cool with that.
I know my shoes from my chou but this metrosexual SNAG thing.... *gag*
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Having moved down under, I've discovered a perfect substitute. What one needs is a packet of kanga banga, a steal at $3.54 from Coles. It promises to be 98% fat free, full of protein and the sausages are gluten free.
Next get yourself a couple of our unique Kipfler potatoes. These are a little pricey this week $5 a kilo. They make excellent mash, a gourmet offering. Don't forget the cream and butter.
Finally for the lazy, a tin of Gravox. Guaranteed perfect gravy every time.
Voilà the perfect Aussie version !