Forlorn.of.thee (fa'lo:n ŭv thē), p, my only strength and stay,forlorn of thee, whither shall I betake me, where subsist?
Paradise Lost by John Milton

Monday, July 25, 2011

Australian Fairy Tale

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint...

When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,
'Hey Koala!
What are you doing?'

The koala said,
'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few hits.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard,
'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink….

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,

'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said,

'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude....

How much water did you drink?

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Kick ass chicks - Part II

Sometime ago, I compiled a list of ladies who are more than capable of whupping my butt. As time goes by, new heroines arise and unfortunately, classic broads like Lt. Ellen Ripley are put to pasture. So, without further ado, here's my new list...

1) At the top is Eliza Dushku as Echo in Dollhouse. For those who are not familiar with the storyline, 'dolls' have their memory wiped and reprogrammed for each assignment.

2) Who can go past Lena Headey as Sarah Connor in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. She's English and carries a big gun.

3) One of my favourites, Natalie Portman at her butt-kicking best as Mathilda in Leon: The Professional. As Padmé in Star Wars and Evey in V for Vendetta, these were secondary, love-struck roles (IMHO)

4) Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth Salander in the Millennium Trilogy, abused but still manages to tattoo a rapist in the nether regions and hacks into an account, running off with a billion SEK.

5) Emma Watson as Hermione Granger, witch extraordinaire!

6) Something about Japanese girls in school uniform wielding samurai swords... Gianna Jun as Saya in Blood: The Last Vampire.

7) If Johnny Depp can get the ladies drooling, Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann gets me hot under the collar.

8) Can't go past a flaming red head, Famke Janssen as Phoenix in the X-Men.

9) One has to include Miranda Otto as Eowyn, the strong silent type in Lord of the Rings.

Ringwraith: No man can kill me. Die now.
Eowyn: I am no man.

10) Dilemma, do I include someone tried and trusted or a total new comer. Went for the latter and introducing Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen in the Hunger Games.

Keep an eye out for her... could be another Lara Croft